he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Randomize
