I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
