my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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