shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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