I hate your face
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You have to summon your inner elephant
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
