I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I see more hoeing in ur future
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
