I hate all girls vehemently.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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