what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
