Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
