New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
