don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
