dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
