You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
even my farts smell like vagina
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
