marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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