Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
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