We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
