bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
