I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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