omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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