My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
