Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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