dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
