my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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