I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
