we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
it was like eating out sand paper
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
