he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just had sex on a roof
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
