sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
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high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
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You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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