I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
