I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize