I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
