There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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