He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
