Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
