dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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