Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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