It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
