gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
only you would photoshop your dick
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
