Pants 0. Shit 1.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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