I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Dick very happy bro
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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