Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
