it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I think i got beer on your cat.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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