I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
