I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
