I wannas sexs uuuuu
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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