the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
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