I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
