no, he came in my armpit
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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