I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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