Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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