he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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