Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
