I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
