No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
birth control should be required to get into college
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
