You really coming over, don't trick.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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