Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
home. puking in laundry basket.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
