Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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