Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
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And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
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It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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