therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
